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I write this down with tears flowing from my eyes.

For all these years I really wanted to be in a particular company. Maybe I was not ready to accept it but all along my heart pounded for one company. I believe this is one of the best IT companies in the country. I respect how well they manage their people and the culture of excellence that they practice. If I wanted to be one of the best IT engineers, I would be getting my training from your company.

It was Saturday last week when of all of these started. I received a phone call that I have a chance to get into this company. With just 4 hours to get myself ready, make an application letter and resume, I barely made it to the testing center as the site is located in the opposite side of the city with reference to my home. That time, I knew it will be hard and that time I was happiest.

I endured the very time-pressured exam and became very happy to be one step closer to my goal. I received a text message 1 day later confirming that I passed the exams and that I am scheduled for an interview on Wednesday (today) along with 2 requirements to submit. The day after, I rushed to my school only to find out that my TOR isn't finished yet and I have to email it that day. I went to the college secretary and pleaded if there's a way I could get a TCG as a crude substition for the TOR for the interview. What's bad is it is currently the pre-registration period for our school and the computer system for the pre-registration bogged down. IT was impossible for me to get the TCG. I waited and waited, each 5 minutes that ate bem would spend to make my TCG seemed like a gasp of free air from a closed damp room. I was asking for the impossible, what normally should take 3 working days, I am pleading to be finished in hours in a very tight schedule. Ate bem did not take her lunch for me, just to finish my TCG and I got very guilty and I was thankful that by the afternoon it was done. Just in time I could report to work and barely make it in time to be with atty sam in our 3 pm appointment. Luckily, I still got considered even when I submitted my requirements late in a very tiring day.

Interview day came... Everything was okay until the interviewer repeatedly pointed out my grade in some subjects. I shrank and I was humbled. Though I tried my very best to smile and be positive in the interview. Everything else was okay, my work experience, my capabilities as a person and as a programmer. The interviewers confirmed my number and noted that I would just wait for the results.

I went home. I really did not want to look at my cellphone until morning. And I still wanted to be in the company. Then a fellow applicant texted me if I was home already. I said no, and asked if the results already came up. My co-applicant said that the company just called and said it was good news. I stopped. Even if I did not want to, I pressed a key in my phone to activate the light. But there was no unread message, no missed call. At that moment, I had my game face on, I was in the motorcycle going home. The best game face cannot hold back the tears as they slowly flowed down my cheek. I failed.

Eversince that day, I wished I did not meet you. I struggled during those days when we had fights. Eversince that day I thought, what if I hadn't joined that organization? When I had to be absent to design the backdrop for that frickin stage. When I had to be absent to go downtown to meet with people to help in our projects and activities or to return to school late for my classes. If these things did not happen, maybe I will not have time to work for an outsourcing job at graveyard shift while I was still at school. It really hurts. Eversince those days, I worked very hard to correct those mistakes that I had done in the past. And yet, here I am, with my dream slashed and diced because the issue of my past was brought back again and now capitalized. It makes me weak to feel that all I worked hard for to swivel down at an instant, overshadowed by a thing in the past I wanted to bury a long time ago. No matter how I worked hard to build credentials, it hurts me that all they saw was that dark part of myself.

You were my dream. You are my dream. And I stand here with nothing as I watch you fly away. I believed I worked hard enough to redeem myself but it was all in my mind. I guess some simple mistakes would haunt you forever and no matter how hard you try to cover them up with achievements, people will always see the dark spot. I was living the life where I was one of the best in the past, but eversince that happened, I wanted to redeem myself, to my parents (as I overhear my mom just this moment saying I cannot do it anymore), and to myself.

I... cannot say any more. I want to rewind everything and do things right this time around. But I just can't.. I failed myself again. No acts of redemption can heal the pain of falling down. When it seems life is finally getting me somewhere, again, the past causes me to fall again. I am tired. Maybe I should stop redeeming myself for a while. Coz I'm just tired. Really really tired. Maybe, just maybe, tomorrow, I wake up 4 years back...

I write this down with tears still flowing from my eyes...

March 2010 FNM Card - Ancient Ziggurat

Ancient Ziggurat is a staple card for Naya and other creature based decks in the Alara block. Jund even splashed for Sedraxis Specter with the use of Ancient Ziggurat. I think it is a good choice for an fnm card, although personally not a big fan of the land card. The art looks great though.

March 2010 FNM Card - Ancient Ziggurat

Valentine's "BB" = Booster Box

To give clarification on who/what "BB" means in my yahoo status pertaining to valentine's day, here it is! it's booster box.

I'm quite sure now that I would be purchasing a Booster Box of Magic:the gathering's newest set, Worldwake on valentine's day (partly because I will arrive in my hometown in this date).

Yipee! I hope I will get Jace, Mind Sculptor or Abyssal Persecutor for financial reasons hehe OR get Kalastria Highborn for my black vampire deck..

HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY everyone...

no one-on-one dinner dates for me this year, but instead I get a booster box and family dinner date because valentine's day is also Chinese New Year! ^_^

Diving into Worldwake

In what seemed to be a devastating situation of not joining the Worldwake pre-release.. I managed to get back to my home city for 2 days, just in time to participate in the Pre-release party of Magic:the gathering's new set, Worldwake.
Being away from Davao and Magic the gathering felt like forever but being able to participate in the pre-release party cleared my mind from all the glitches of the software I am part of developing and from the problems that continue to bother me.

I had a fair standings of 2-2. Of course, for a pre-release party, this is okay because 2 wins means 2 bonus booster packs hehehe. Of course, I miss being part of the people on top but all these traveling and work made me lose some skills as I obviously made several misplays and bad decisions as I was playing crucial moments in the pre-release party. But overall, I had a great time and at least I had time for myself to unwind and relax a bit.

This week, I am back to Camiguin and will surely miss the Worldwake launch party this sunday. I am still figuring out whether to buy a booster box for worldwake as my overall evaluation for the current set is not that good. It probably has a few cards that costs sky-high prices but most of the cards are crap. Anyway, when I get back to davao on February 13, I might find the answer to buy or not to buy a booster box. Of course, this is all possible because I might not spend for valentines day this year.. hehe, it is chinese new year and I think this can be better, and that I might get Jace.... hehehe

Affinity Legacy Deck

It is Legacy Month here in Davao City and for the first time this month I spent a friday night here in my hometown. I basically had several choices on what deck to use for legacy tonight but, in the end, I brought with me my artifact affinity deck.
The ravager affinity deck is a good choice because, based on previous tournaments, no one used affinity as their legacy deck so it might be a good surprise for other players. Second, the affinity deck can match up aggro decks in terms of speed, it can race burn decks for damage and its early drop creatures can really can stomp on control decks. I finished 4th place tonight with a 3-1 standings. Here is the list for my Ravager Affinity deck:



Artifacts:
4 cranial plating
4 springleaf drum
2 chromatic star

Artifact Creatures:
4 arcbound worker
4 arcbound ravager
4 frogmite
4 ornithopter
3 myr enforcer
3 master of etherium

Creatures:
4 Disciple of the vault

Spells:
4 thoughtcast
2 shrapnel Blast

Artifact Lands:
4 Seat of the Synod
4 Vault of Whispers
3 Ancient Den
4 Great Furnace
3 Darksteel Citadel

Sideboard:
3 Pithing Needle
4 Tidehollow Sculler
4 Pyroblast
4 Duress

Round 1 vs Monoblack Vampire-Discard (W 2-0) : 1-0
Notes: Mulled to 6 in each game. Vamps had no answer for an early game ornithopter equipped with cranial plating.

Round 2 vs Cheesy Monored (L 1-2) : 1-1
Notes: Bad sideboard. Should have chosen Hydroblast over Pyroblast before the tournament started since the deck basically doesn't fear blue decks. The deck basically isn't in perfect condition since I only had 2 chromatic stars. Given there should be 3-4 chromatic stars in the main deck, the sideboard for red should be +4 duress and +4 tidehollow sculler. But the fear of the possible lack of mana-fixing cards in my version limited me to siding in duress and leaving the scullers in the bin. In game 3, got his life down to 10 in turn 3 with an 8/2 ornithopter and an 8/8 master of etherium. But he got 2 fireblasts (1 topdraw) in his hand to finish me in his turn 4.

Round 3 vs Monoblack Vampires (W 2-1) : 2-1
Notes: Game 1 was really bad. Mulled to 5 and had 3 cranial platings in play with no creatures to equip (autoloss). Sided in pithing needles to pacify his jitte and he basically had no answer for the master of etherium.

Round 4 vs Monowhite Aggro (W 2-0) : 3-1
Notes: I basically do not have any answers for soltari priests so I should be able to race with his damage. Although his Parallax Wave gave him extra turns, but as the wave's effect ended, he can't race with my creatures equipped with cranial plating. Game 2, I sided in Pithing needle and names Parallax Wave and that's 1 threat off for me. He got jitte online but I still managed to squeeze out the win with the ravager/disciple of the vault combo. ^_^

Why does the neighborhood buck?

Why does the neighborhood buck?